A Relationship.

It's not a religion. It's a relationship.

I've said that a million times about being Christian. I truly believe that's the major difference between Christianity and other religions. I feel something. There is someone there listening to me and helping. I have a relationship with God.

So, as promised in Prayer in Islam, here are my thoughts on religion, specifically Christianity.

I'll start with my testimony. {I don't like that word. It sounds to "church-y". Story. Story is a better word for it.}

I was baptized as a baby. I went to a Christian school for about 11 years. I was part of my church's choir and youth. I went through confirmation. I attended church camp. I DID IT ALL. But, I didn't get it. I wasn't feeling the relationship or connection with God that everyone talked about. To be honest, I really did not understand what it truly meant to be a Christian.

The summer after my sophomore year, I went to France to live with a family for three weeks [I'll write about that experience]. I've never been one to get really homesick, but let me tell you, knowing that you family is 4,383 miles away is scary. I cried every single night for the first week I was there. I was overwhelmed and alone. I began doing something I hadn't done for years; I prayed.

I'd prayed plenty of times before, but this time I really prayed. I talked to God.

When I got home from France, things began to change. Not dramatically,  but slowly, over a series of several months. Jonathan and Lisa Moore came to our church. Lisa became my mentor and helped me to realize what it truly means to be Christian. We read through the book of John to explore Jesus' life. We went to Souled Out Winter, where I really felt God moving in me. They made me a part of the leadership team for The Corner Youth. I woke up earlier to have my quiet time, and I fell asleep praying. My day began and ended with my relationship with God. Things didn't become magically perfect. I certainly still make plenty of mistakes. I'm no where near perfect, and I never will be. [It took me a while to grasp that.]

So, where am I now?

I'll be completely honest (because you, my beautiful blog readers, deserve that). I haven't been going to youth. I haven't been having quiet time. I haven't been praying at night. I certainly have not given up my religion, I've really just drifted away from my church, which was my main supporter and motivator for doing all of those things. What happened?

• This summer got super busy. I was out of town, working, and hanging out with friends. I simply wasn't around to go to church.
• They began talking about things I didn't really agree with or understand. For example, the Bible says that divorce, sex before marriage, and homosexuality are all wrong, but for whatever reason people have decided that divorce is actually okay. I don't understand how we can justify some things, and still condemn others. {It's something I still think about. I don't know what my position on those issues are.}
• My friends began doubting and questioning things. I have wonderful friends who are definitely my role models for religion. They noticed the same things I did and began investigating religion more. Everyone goes through a phase where they question the things they've always held to be true (Enlightenment, ya know?).
• It became a competition and our church grew. My youth group started a competition. The object of the game was to get people from our church or those who don't have a youth group to start coming to church. After going to the first day of the LIFE (that's what it's called) though, I realized I knew less than half of the people around me. I was also surprised to see how different our youth room looked. I don't like feeling obligated to go to church, not because I'm missing out on worshiping, but because I fee like I'm letting my team down. It shouldn't be about that.
• The message was the same- "If you don't know Jesus, raise your hand and say this prayer." What about the rest of us? The ones who have already accepted Jesus. It's important to tell people about Jesus and explain to them what it means to be Christian, otherwise they're just saying an empty prayer. They're repeating the words put into their month while peaceful music plays in the background and a pastor tells them about how great their life will be after they just say this quick prayer. Well, here's the truth. It doesn't work like that. You have to believe it. You have to live it.

I feel like a lot of people just don't really get what it really means to be Christian (maybe I don't either, but this is my interpretation). I just want people to know what it's really like to be Christian. It's a lifestyle. It isn't just saying a prayer. It's not about judging others for their actions. It's about accepting people. It's about learning from your mistakes. Being Christian is having a purpose in life.

I definitely haven't given up on my relationship with God. The whole reason I'm a Christian is because I feel something. I know that no matter what, God will be there to help. 

I've realized that I shouldn't feel pressured into a church atmosphere. I can have a relationship with God without doing all of that. I'm at a point where I'm deciding my postition on different issues and giving those decisions up to God. Everyone has to make their own decisions with God. I believe you can do that and still have a relationship with God.

The relationship I have with God isn't the same as everyone else's. It's a relationship! They can't all possibly be the same.

So, this is my religion, my relationship, and my life.